How to Create Better Relationships
Have you ever taken the time to observe facial expressions? Lynne and I love to spend weekends going to the mall. We are shoppers, not buyers. We can walk the mall, maybe buying a lunch or dinner. When buying something it is almost always deeply discounted. I spend most of my time looking at other shoppers.
A friend of mine has a great expression, “Most people go through life as if they have been weaned on a pickle!” When you have the chance, take some time to walk the mall. Observe the facial expressions. I will bet you count less than 10 people who have a smile on their face.
The first order of business for how to create better relationships is to smile more. I had a great coach once tell me to smile all the time. Have you ever known someone who had a non-stop smile? It is intoxicating. You want to know “why”. They are always engaging, which brings me to the next key. Develop a high level of energy.
Why a high level of energy? People want to be around people who are lively. Lively people get involved. As they get involved they meet people, take on responsibilities, and meet more people.
We find that we then choose who we want to surround ourselves with, people with whom we aspire to be more like, people who have values that we emulate. Values that scream success. We become obliged to evaluate our values and make changes accordingly to match the person we want to become. It is important to understand that we can continue to improve ourselves.
Ask questions. Ask lots of questions. When you get to an unacceptable “NO”, ask another question to get past the “NO.” Ask questions such as:
- How can I meet more people? (Versus, I cannot meet more people.)
- Where does my target market hang out? (Versus, I cannot find my target market.)
- What do I need to change to get more of what I want? (Versus, I cannot earn more money.)
Stop now and evaluate where you are with your relationships. Have you admired someone from a distance? What qualities do they have that you would like to add to your qualities? Make a list of those qualities. Ask yourself how did they get to the place they are. Ask them how they became who they are. They will be flattered by your question. Continuing to probe how they became who they are will strengthen your relationship. Not surprisingly, many such inquiries have led to mentor status with associates. Associates who then become friends and valued clients with friendships that continue to grow stronger.
Make a list of all the people you admire from near and far. Celebrities, daily contacts, and people you meet qualify. On that list write their outstanding qualities. Highlight the ones you want to add to your list of qualities. Start working on those qualities you assess that need the least work.
For example, you observe a co-worker whose shoes are always shiny. He also wears a different suit of clothes everyday. At the same time, you admire a political figure that is a great orator. You aspire to some day speak publicly as well as she.
Most of us can afford to buy the needed shoe polish to shine our shoes. Things like polishing your shoes should be done immediately. It may take some time to build your wardrobe. Start by shopping discount stores. Buy things when only on sale. Plan on buying a new outfit once per month.
Public speaking might be a longer-term goal. Put your plan into action now. Possibly look into local community college courses on public speaking. Adult education classes will allow you to develop skills that you can build on. Long term, you might consider a program providing great solutions and experience. The one that is priced right, which gives full service is Toastmasters (www.toastmasters.org).
We have heard the phrase “look and learn”. When it comes to better relationships, look at what you like. Make what you see yours. The rewards are endless!
Gerry Rose runs INTEGRITY Networking Solutions in Oceanside, CA. He works with realtors who want to attract the right prospects and their affinity partners who want to generate more referrals. More than 10,000 businesses have been presented the INTEGRITY Networking Solutions system in San Diego, Riverside, and Orange Counties.
Gerry’s stimulating presentation Unlimited Prospects, Unlimited Referrals is ideally suited for small business owners, home-based businesses, and independent professionals who want clearer direction and want to attract more prospects, develop dynamic systems, and strengthen their companies’ accountability. Gerry does one on one consulting, conducts a range of keynote speeches from thirty minutes to full-day education workshops.
His books, Unlimited Prospects, Unlimited Referrals, 101 Tips to Attract Prospects, 101 Tips to Generate Referrals and Unlimited Prospects, Unlimited Referrals, Giving Your Clients What They WANT, So You Get What You WANT are currently available. Unlimited Prospects, Unlimited Referrals, Using Your Time, Energy, and Creativity to Create Value, will be available in 2006.
Gerry has more than 20 years’ experience directing business owners how to grow their businesses. He is a networking dynamo. Those who know him will assure you that he does a great job of bringing people together—which is why he started Integrity.
Involved with networking organizations since 1984, Gerry is an Accomplished Toastmaster, a member of Toastmaster International, and has chaired numerous chambers of commerce and non-profit organizations.
Are you truly committed to attracting the right prospects and generate more referrals? If so then contact INTEGRITY Networking Solutions for availability and information. You can contact Gerry by mail at 1610 Quiet Hills Drive, Oceanside, CA 92056. Direct dial (760) 439-4623; e-mail to gerry@integritysd.com. For more information, go to www.integritysd.com
