Relationships, How They Apply to Attracting the Right Prospects and Generating More Referrals
In July 2015 we got a new dog. He is sixth dog we have had since 1974. He is a German Shepherd/Alaskan Malamute mix weighing about 100 pounds. His name is Jude as his first owners were Beatles fans, “Hey, Jude” by Paul McCartney . Going into it we had a pretty good idea as to what to expect. Dogs need humans to provide three things: feed, exercise, and opportunity to eliminate. (Sometimes he does it without the opportunity to give it to him.) In return they give us unconditional love. It creates a strong bond, or as I like to say win/win.
Very much the same is true for those humans with whom we build a relationship. We have three needs as humans: eat, sleep, eliminate. Beyond that when it comes to relationships to create win/win there has to be some give and take to establish a mutual bond for it to be long lasting.
The idea of give and take is in itself interesting to explore. When it comes to giving there needs to be value in the offering. When taking we need to be prepared to do with what others give us, to use those resources responsibly to maximize the intended results. I remember a time when I had to be counseled in both areas. In the early days of INTEGRITY I would spend 90 minutes or longer giving my services away fully expecting to be offered a check after doing so. It took my mentor, Mark LeBlanc, and Lynne to nearly beat me to finally stop giving of all my time for free. In another case, I participated in a Toastmasters event where I purchased $20 for raffle tickets. When it came time for the drawing I won the first prize drawn. The next ticket drawn was also mine. I said, “I don’t want to be a pig. Draw someone else’s ticket.” The next ticket drawn was mine. It was a counseling session with Gregg Betts. I accepted the prize and used it for his session. The main thing he taught me that day was to take when someone offers to give, accepting the gift with gratitude.
Now, in some cases the relationship starts with envy. Someone from afar comes into our lives and we immediately put them on a pedestal. Maybe they have created extraordinary success that we only wish we could attain. We find ourselves doing for them as an act of kindness and to also build a relationship. Over the years of giving you discover it is one-sided. In some cases the envy is over shadowed by lost promises, and years go by in a one sided relationship. You are blinded by envy thinking that you are creating win/win. The taker can only say, “Thank you” while continuing to take. Over time you become frustrated with what turns into a one sided relationship. Doing well for others feels good, especially when you admire the person you are delivering value. In some cases two, three, or four years go by with the giving being one sided. Occasionally, the other person decides to throw you bone, offering to allow you into their circle of success, suggesting that you get paid for the work you do for them. The next thing you know is that they forgot that they offered to pay for services. Then the forgetting becomes a habit such that it happens three or four times where you finally say, “Enough!” In what becomes a one sided relationship you decide to sever the relationship. Such being the case, we become so blinded in envy wanting to support, grabbing a little gusto from the golden ring of their world, that we become blinded by the success we want to share with them.
Back to man’s best friend. We have enjoyed Saint, Max, Sam, Swede, and Thor and are now enjoying the time we will have with Jude. We give Jude two walks per day minimum. Feed him as many times as he wants during a day, a cup at a time. He has ample time to eliminate where ever and whenever he wants. He is a lover. His favorite toy is a purple ball that is constantly in his mouth, under the side board, or bounding across the tile floors. As he plays, runs, jumps, eats, and eliminates he brings joy to our lives…win/win. I love creating win/win which is the good news. I have learned from these experiences to evaluate those new relationships giving them a just amount of time, typically 90 days. After 90 days I decide where the relationship is going. I use our Benchmarking System to evaluate each relationship. Meeting over 100 new people each year (yes, I track this) it is important for me to make these intentional observations. As we look at attracting the right prospects and generating more referrals, these types of relationships can become time wasters or time gatherers.
Please share your experience in this area. As I get a number of your comments and with your permission I will post your results on our website and LinkedIn. I would love to hear your stories.
Here is what Sharon Meredith had to say: “Interesting article and I totally hear you, Gerry. I have heard it say that there are givers and takers in the world. And I have experienced it as you have. Sometimes we don’t even realize that some people are manipulating us to get what they want. I am always hoping that THEY don’t realize they are “taking” and not giving back. We are taught to give and not expect anything in return. That’s fine up to a point depending on the relationship. However, I believe that resentment will set in and the relationship will be severed anyway. Why not sever it in 90 days as you suggest. Great advice!”
Sharon Meredith, Fitness With Heart, www.fitnesswithheart.com, Take Shape For Life, www.fitnesswithheart.tsfl.com, 858-349-4452
Gerry Rose runs INTEGRITY Networking Solutions in Oceanside, CA. He works with people in business who want to attract the right prospects and generate more referrals. More than 10,000 businesses have been presented the INTEGRITY Networking Solutions system in San Diego, Los Angeles, Riverside, and Orange Counties.
Gerry’s stimulating presentation Unlimited Prospects, Unlimited Referrals is ideally suited for small business owners, home-based businesses, and independent professionals who want clearer direction and want to attract more prospects, develop dynamic systems, and strengthen their companies’ accountability. Gerry does one on one consulting, conducts a range of keynote speeches from thirty minutes to full-day education workshops. His book series, Unlimited Prospects, Unlimited Referrals, are available on the website, www.integritysd.com.
Gerry has more than 20 years’ experience directing business owners how to grow their businesses. He is a networking dynamo. Those who know him will assure you that he does a great job of bringing people together—which is why he started INTEGRITY.
Involved with networking organizations since 1984, Gerry is a Distinguished Toastmaster, a member of Toastmaster International, and has chaired numerous chambers of commerce and non-profit organizations.
Are you truly committed to attracting the right prospects and generate more referrals? If so then contact INTEGRITY Networking Solutions for availability and information. You can contact Gerry by mail at 1610 Quiet Hills Drive, Oceanside, CA 92056. Direct dial (760) 439-4623; e-mail to gerry@integritysd.com. For more information, go to www.integritysd.com
